Shade

I think of you often lately. I think of how we used to be. I remember how we laughed and laughed at ourselves constantly, with our quirky weird silliness. We found joy in each others company. I also vividly remember how I found joy with you in my heart. You found me in your heart as well, but that was never enough. It was never enough to stop the user, the thief. Passive aggression and lies also come to mind. Not just yours, mine too. Remember the double date in college park? When you drove like a maniac. When you sucked as a person, and were rude to my friends. When you were rude to me and blatantly disrespectful. Don't you remember my intense frustration at the end of the night? You know when I hit that right turn so fast and hard that the car was on two wheels. I remember. I remember you recounting conversations with your mother, "Be careful with her...she is a good girl." She said "Don't be stupid... don't mess this up, she is a good one." But you didn't listen. Did you? I knew that you had it rough. I knew that you had done things that you weren't proud of. I know that you had occasional slip ups, old habits always die hard, but did you really have to take it and run to my car, and then say "drive" as if we had some type of arrangement?! With a curse out as your only repercussion I let you off way too easy, as you often were in life. You wondered why your mom and family treated you the way that they did. You talked a good game and played the part well but only for so long. Eventually your true self always came out in some form or fashion. The thing was that I never tried to change you. When I found you, you were on a mission to change yourself. Looking for a new start. Instead of starting anew, you began to recycle traits that you should have thrown away for good. Charisma and good acting will only get you so far. As we know the truth always comes to light. The truth about you was... what was the truth about you? Now when I think of you, I think of how you think of me. I think of how heartbroken you were at the news of my engagement. I think of how, for you, I am the one that got away and how you will always be the person who reinforced my spine. Never again! Then, I think that I am giving you too much thought so think of my love, my soul mate. In comparison you are just a shade. I am so glad that you were never mine.